It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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