i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
