Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
