3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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