Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
