Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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