Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
