I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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