If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
