Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
