ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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