somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
