i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
