Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
