I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so let's talk penis.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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