Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
