so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
