God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
