So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
