you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
