I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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