ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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