omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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