I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In other news, I just burned my penis
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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