Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
