Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's like heaven, but drunker
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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