Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
