i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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