I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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