i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
