Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
