He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
