it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
