Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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