He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think my fart just growled at me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
