Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
