i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
