He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
