like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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