I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
