I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
