every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
