Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
