Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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