I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
