I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
