Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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