here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
