That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
