My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
