Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
